Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Is Being Fat Keeping Me From Getting that Dream Job?

Of all the things I've been depressed about in my life, the eternal job search is such a unique beast. I count myself among the millions of people who find themselves jobless. It's totally unfair for me to say this, because technically, I am employed. I work part-time at a radio station. The shit part of it all is that I LOVE my job. I meet so many interesting people, I accomplish things I am proud of, I am in the middle of exciting things happening all the time, and I am constantly learning from people around me and above me. Plus, no one cares that (nay, people LIKE that) I have a large tattoo on my left forearm, and I sometimes have pink highlights in my hair. However, I can't afford rent. On the part-time money I make at this job, I simply can not support myself. For some time I rejected the idea of getting an additional job because I am in a long-distance relationship and it would be impossible to see each other on weekends if I am busy slinging coffee or folding polo shirts for $8/hour. But now I am desperate, and I can't get a bite on any lines I put out for additional part time work. Needless to say, I need full time work like I need air to breathe now.
I have been on five job interviews in the last month and a half. Not bad, about one interview per week. I haven't gotten a definite "no" on the latest one, but I've gotten my hopes up way too many times to be caring too much right now. The seriously disturbing part is that all but one have been WITHIN my company. You always hear these nightmares about people feeling like they clinched an interview and then some internal idiot from another department snatches up the coveted position. I am that internal person, yet NO success yet! I know I haven't been serious about this for too very long, but I've been with the company for over 3 years now and I need some insight as to what is holding me back.
I constantly question whether my weight is some kind of lingering subconscious factor that negates my good qualities enough to take me out of the running for these positions. Not only do I have to shine through my appearance, but it's been difficult to dress my best for these opportunities because a lot of my business type outfits just don't fit anymore. I am down to one pencil skirt and a shrug style black jacket that I pair with a loud blouse and some funky accessory. Actually, on this latest interview, I was able to squeeze in to a white button up blouse and a gray and pink sweater vest- I think I'll give this combination a few good runs as well. But it feels so lousy when I am trying to psych myself up for a confident interview, and my old go-to black blazer doesnt fit anymore.
So, am I holding myself back because I talk myself in to believing all the interviews see is bulk?
Cross your fingers for me for the job I'm waiting to hear back about...

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